Hello shitty tipsters,
Some folks are making posts here without doing any research at all, and in many cases not even bothering to see what is currently on our front page. While a lot of reposters are just here to try and grab some quick karma so they have enough to post in other shitty subs like /r/cryptocoinsmegma, others are just plain lazy.
We understand that making this post won’t actually help with these idiots, but at least after we ban them, and they cry to us in modmail, we can just laugh at them, reply with this link and then mute their asses without feeling guilty.
With that being said, if anyone posts the following or any variation of these, they will be permanently banned without warning:
POSTING ANYTHING FROM THIS SHITTY ASSED ARTICLE: https://www.boredpanda.com/shitty-life-pro-tips/
POSTING ANYTHING THAT IS CURRENTLY ON OUR TOP 25 FRONT PAGE. (this is literally the bare minimum you can do before posting)
Specific examples include but are not limited to:
Sneezing on your knuckles to inflict maximum damage. ANY IMAGE OR TEXT.
Sneaking a Gameboy/candy/knife/alcohol into a game/movie/school etc:
Please check back frequently as we may add more to this list periodically.
Also works well with other big ticket items that come in a fancy box.
British people often feel uncomfortable when visiting other countries. To help them adjust, start by referring to them as "guv'na." This will immediately make them relax, and they'll probably call you "a roite tosser" (British for "one who throws the cricket ball very well") in return. This let's you know the relaxation is taking effect. On a related note, the proper pronoun for other people in the UK is "the guv." (Gender all-inclusive)
When talking with a Britisher who's rich (think the types with those pocket watches, or who regrets having left his cane at "the theatre"), start throwing in words like "poppycock" and "codswallop." When you get to the part where they start using expressions like, "heavens me," and "by jove!" you'll know you're truly "chums."
When talking with a Britishese of more modest background (think anyone who got into street fights "baak in Landone," or who worked as a chimney sweep between bouts in one of those Oliver Twist living situations with the gruel), rewatch the film "Mary Poppins" for proper pronunciation tips on how to nail their vibe. Dick van Dyke is a certified "Disney Legend" after all, and he will guide you through the process.
When writing your 2 weeks notice, be sure to sign it as such:
“I am putting in my 2 week notice, effective 2 weeks ago”
This will not only ensure that you are granted a prompt dismissal, but your bosses will also be sure to praise your forward thinking when called by future employers.
Rinse and repeat
SLPT: Want to find text quickly in a webpage? Just copy the text you're looking for, press Ctrl+F and enter the copied text in the search bar. You'll find the text you were looking for, and you won't even have to type! Also the text gets selected after closing the search bar, so you can copy it too!
Great time saving trick with computers.
SLPT: Once you're an adult and out on your own, encourage your parents to get a divorce and then remarry other people. The two new sets of step relatives will give you the convenience of additional days off work "for their funerals" when they die but without the heartbreak you get from real family.
after dinner put toothpaste in your mouth and spread it around with the brush. put water in and just keep moving that shit in your mouth. it tastes horrible but ignore it. now you can do your studies for 15 minutes of so. then, just spit out the soapy wotah. you'll have shiny-ass fresh teeth and your homework gonna be done too.