r/ShittyLifeProTips Aug 13 '21 Helpful

ATTENTION: READ THIS POST TO PREVENT GETTING BANNED

479 Upvotes

Hello shitty tipsters,

Some folks are making posts here without doing any research at all, and in many cases not even bothering to see what is currently on our front page. While a lot of reposters are just here to try and grab some quick karma so they have enough to post in other shitty subs like /r/cryptocoinsmegma, others are just plain lazy.

We understand that making this post won’t actually help with these idiots, but at least after we ban them, and they cry to us in modmail, we can just laugh at them, reply with this link and then mute their asses without feeling guilty.

With that being said, if anyone posts the following or any variation of these, they will be permanently banned without warning:

  1. POSTING ANYTHING FROM THIS SHITTY ASSED ARTICLE: https://www.boredpanda.com/shitty-life-pro-tips/

  2. POSTING ANYTHING THAT IS CURRENTLY ON OUR TOP 25 FRONT PAGE. (this is literally the bare minimum you can do before posting)

Specific examples include but are not limited to:

  1. Finding a gas leak fast

  2. Boiling water and freezing for use later

  3. Sneezing on your knuckles to inflict maximum damage. ANY IMAGE OR TEXT.

  4. Burying a body and planting endangered plants

  5. Cutting tennis balls in half to increase storage

  6. Buying shit from IKEA

  7. Using a reverse card to get out of paying for anything

  8. Sneaking a Gameboy/candy/knife/alcohol into a game/movie/school etc:

Please check back frequently as we may add more to this list periodically.


r/ShittyLifeProTips 5h ago Helpful Wholesome

SLPT: how to simultaneously be productive and unproductive

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4.3k Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 21h ago Silver Helpful Wholesome

SLPT: Increase your WiFi data speed by installing LAN cables wherever possible

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14.8k Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 1h ago

SLPT: Well They Are Not Wrong

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Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 5h ago Helpful

LPT: Buy a house near the beach so your stuff doesn’t get stolen

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32 Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 1d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome

SLPT: Struggle with presents for the holidays? Ketchup is always a safe backup

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29.7k Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 36m ago

SLPT: Did you get a big and expensive TV for Christmas? Put the box in front of your neighbor's trash so their house gets robbed instead of yours.

Upvotes

Also works well with other big ticket items that come in a fancy box.


r/ShittyLifeProTips 5h ago

LPT: If you hate picking things up from the ground, simply bring a pet goat with you everywhere. They can digest almost anything!

14 Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 3h ago Helpful

SLPT: If your SO has a friend that you don't like, say that person's name during sex. One way or the other, you won't have to see them again.

9 Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 13h ago

SLPT: Make British People Feel Comfortable When You Meet Them by Talking Like They Do in Movies

66 Upvotes

British people often feel uncomfortable when visiting other countries. To help them adjust, start by referring to them as "guv'na." This will immediately make them relax, and they'll probably call you "a roite tosser" (British for "one who throws the cricket ball very well") in return. This let's you know the relaxation is taking effect. On a related note, the proper pronoun for other people in the UK is "the guv." (Gender all-inclusive)

When talking with a Britisher who's rich (think the types with those pocket watches, or who regrets having left his cane at "the theatre"), start throwing in words like "poppycock" and "codswallop." When you get to the part where they start using expressions like, "heavens me," and "by jove!" you'll know you're truly "chums."

When talking with a Britishese of more modest background (think anyone who got into street fights "baak in Landone," or who worked as a chimney sweep between bouts in one of those Oliver Twist living situations with the gruel), rewatch the film "Mary Poppins" for proper pronunciation tips on how to nail their vibe. Dick van Dyke is a certified "Disney Legend" after all, and he will guide you through the process.

Cheerio!


r/ShittyLifeProTips 1d ago Silver

SLPT; Remember guys, the unwritten rule is that you need to spend 3 month's salary on engagement ring. You can save money by proposing when you are unemployed.

461 Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 12h ago

SLPT: Want to leave your job amicably but don’t want to wait 2 weeks? Write your resignation letter properly

29 Upvotes

When writing your 2 weeks notice, be sure to sign it as such:

“I am putting in my 2 week notice, effective 2 weeks ago”

This will not only ensure that you are granted a prompt dismissal, but your bosses will also be sure to praise your forward thinking when called by future employers.


r/ShittyLifeProTips 6h ago

SLPT: When applying to a new job make your prior work experience from businesses that are now out of business. Who are they going to call?

9 Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 13h ago

SLPT: Girls are you tired of periods?? Well just get pregnant to avoid it for 9 months

17 Upvotes

Rinse and repeat


r/ShittyLifeProTips 17h ago

SLPT: If you don't want to be robbed at the beach, buy a beach house

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23 Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 15h ago

SLPT: When installing winter tires, wrap them in a thin plastic film to protect them from wear and gain one to two years of use.

11 Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 13h ago

SLPT: Want to find text quickly in a webpage? Just copy the text you're looking for, press Ctrl+F and enter the copied text in the search bar. You'll find the text you were looking for, and you won't even have to type! Also the text gets selected after closing the search bar, so you can copy it too!

5 Upvotes

Great time saving trick with computers.


r/ShittyLifeProTips 1d ago

SLPT: Once you're an adult and out on your own, encourage your parents to get a divorce and then remarry other people. The two new sets of step relatives will give you the convenience of additional days off work "for their funerals" when they die but without the heartbreak you get from real family.

79 Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 12h ago

SLPT: If you are accused of a crime, just recuse yourself from the trial - you cannot be asked to take the stand if you know the guilty party!

4 Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 13h ago

SLPT but kinda works. no like seriously

6 Upvotes

after dinner put toothpaste in your mouth and spread it around with the brush. put water in and just keep moving that shit in your mouth. it tastes horrible but ignore it. now you can do your studies for 15 minutes of so. then, just spit out the soapy wotah. you'll have shiny-ass fresh teeth and your homework gonna be done too.


r/ShittyLifeProTips 13h ago

SLPT: If one of your headlights goes out, just turn your brights on for night driving!

4 Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 6h ago

SLPT: Sous vide steak without the expensive gadgets. Simply cook your steak into a pot of boiling chloroform. The lower boiling point will give you and your guests tender, juicy steaks every time.

1 Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 1d ago

SLPT: If you need to drink water more, just eat spicy chips. The spice will entice you to drink more

27 Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 1d ago

SLPT: When consulting the food pyramid, make sure to eat mostly the foods at the top! They’re at the top because they’re the most important.

29 Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 1d ago

SLPT: If you see someone who is out-of-shape at the gym, be sure to tell them how awful they look. This will give them even greater motivation to get fit.

44 Upvotes

r/ShittyLifeProTips 13h ago

SLPT pulled over for drunk driving?

2 Upvotes

Simply call in a fake robbery to have the officer leave and you can just drive away!